Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize