Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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