I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
