Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
