I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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