drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
