I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
