What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize