On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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