I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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