You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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