508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Randomize
