woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
