I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
