onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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