Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
