i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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