i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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