Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
