billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
