When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize