We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
