I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
