dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
