if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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