i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
