I puked a lego.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
