I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
