Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
