Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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