The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
