Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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