Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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