No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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