I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
