Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
