Where did you get a picture of my penis
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
