We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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