Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
