I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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