I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
