i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
