How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this is an emotional support booty call
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
