smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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