This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
