i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
