She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
