Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
time to smoke my breakfast
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
