Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
