Betty ford says i'm here all night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
