U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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