she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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