dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
