i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize