He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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