When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
