Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Terrible idea I love it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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