I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
