As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
