Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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