fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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