You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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