Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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