Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need water and some morals
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
