yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
