why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
