i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
