i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
