Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
