I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
