Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
