Will you blow on my dice?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
