he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
