Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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